I read a really interesting piece from the editor of the Technology Review, Jason Pontin, entitled “Authenticity in the Age of Its Technological Reproducibility.” It really resonated with me in that it gave me some insight as to why I am sometimes rubbed to wrong way when reading other people’s updates and why sometimes I felt almost guilty about what I am writing on these social networks. After admitting that he never use social technologies quite as the young use them (because he doesn’t thrill to continuous attention and he values his privacy), he notes that the “Jason Pontin who occupies the social space is a constructed persona, designed to be unchallengingly personable, humorous, and thoughtful… Social-media Jason Pontin, in short, is a function of my business life. I know this identity is inauthentic, because there is so much about which I do not post or blog.”
Reading these words, I realize that it is almost impossible for me to have a constructed, inauthentic identity specifically designed for the Web… and that is my Achilles’ heel. In person, I am always what I appear to be, to the point of my detriment. And that is what I happen to be online as well. My persona, PaleFire, is out there as a human being with all of her flaws, jokes, joys, profanities, heartbreaks, and frustrations. Unlike other people, I am unable to create a nonfluctuating identity distinct from my personal life.
Even when I write about impersonal things like movies, politics, my classes, I try to personalize them on a fundamental level. On the other hand, I get upset at myself when sometimes I display emotions online when I know that I probably shouldn’t have. So I go back and delete some of my Twitter updates, I keep a very small group of followers, I refuse to install the Twitter application on my Facebook account, and I keep most of my “acquaintances” on a limited profile. I figure, there’s already more than enough information about me out there. My digital footprint is as big as an elephant’s.
On the other hand, I notice other people’s tweets are carefully constructed to make them appear to be someone. They drop names of important people, they post their pictures with them online, they say big things with big tech words… And I am thinking… wow, if I can build my brand as effectively as they are building theirs, I’d be all set. And yet, I am unable to give up the personal. And that bothers me sometimes. Then I realize, this is what makes me who I am.